Pour

I came across a scripture today that I couldn’t help but share! Psalm 62:8:

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Selah

The part that stuck out to me in the verse was “pour out your hearts to him.” How many times have we been through something hard and we forget to do this one thing?

Sadly, my flesh is wired this way. I am a 2 on the enneagram scale and a core challenge of 2s is they put everyone else needs before their own (that is a very unhealthy 2 by the way). Even when I am going through my own challenges I tend to not talk about them.

Just a few months ago, I started a journey of figuring out my next steps in my life. My two roommates at the time were getting ready to be married, so when our lease was up we were all moving our separate ways and I being the only single one with a part-time job had a huge reality in front of me:

“I can’t afford my own place on my salary.”

For those who don’t have or don’t remember living off of part-time, that is a scary statement. So I did what any 2w1 would do. I started to search for another job and bottle all the frustration of life inside my body. I was about done with my ministry degree and what is the harm starting the searching process, correct? Well, March and April were the worst. I look back now and can see how I was slipping into a depressive state. I start having full anxiety attacks and I had no motivation to do anything at home. But in front of everyone at work I put on a hope-filled, trusting God face so they had no idea I was drowning in my own misery.

And if you are reading this and are one of those people I hid it all from I am sorry.

In May, I finally broke. I was leaving work, crying my eyes out in the car because I had no clue where I was going to live at the end of June and I knew in my spirit if I didn’t let it all out I was going to slip into something deeper and worse. I called my dad and I let it all out. Thankfully, I have an amazing supportive parental unit, so we made a plan together. Then came the even harder part – telling God.

See sometimes in my twisted head I tell myself God’s ministry he has me in is more important than my needs. Now, when you are in a healthy perspective that can be true. Missionaries put God’s ministry above their ‘need’ for things, but they still pour out to God what they are struggling with.

I didn’t.

I buried myself in my work, talking to God about my lesson plans for that weekend or the struggles of my students and leaders, but never about myself. There is another word in the verse I needed to use more TRUST. Pouring out our hearts to God shows our trust in him with our needs. That hit me this morning as I read the verse.

Did I not trust in God during those months?

Ouch. That is an eye opener nobody wants to hear, but in some way it is kind of true. I trusted him with everyone else around me, but I didn’t trust him with my worries. After my talk with my dad that day I poured everything I had in me to God. I am so thankful we have a loving and forgiving God!

Journaling Questions

  1. Write or Draw out what stuck out to you from Psalm 62:7-8.
  2. Journal about a moment or season in your where you might have not put your full trust in God.
  3. What verse is your go to verse for when you are bombarded with challenges of life? If you have not memorized it yet, that is my challenge for you today. Start to memorize your verse(s) that helps you stay focused on God through the hard times.

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