Have you ever taken the enneagram? No? You should. <click this link for a free test>. Well I am what you call a 2 on the enneagram scale, which is called a Helper. Here is a quick description:
Twos are a feeling-based type with a focus on relationship. They excel at making connections and empathizing with the needs and feelings of other people. They are usually good at supporting others and helping bring out their potential. However, turning their attention toward themselves and knowing what they themselves need is much more difficult. They want to be accepted and liked by others, and they will adapt or change themselves to earn this approval.https://theenneagramatwork.com/type-2-helper
A bit like emotional sponges, Twos have to be very careful what they absorb from the people around them. Getting angry or setting personal boundaries can be very hard to do, although they may have emotional outbursts to relieve the pressure. While being a special person or earning the approval of others has its advantages, it doesn’t substitute for being loved for oneself.
So basically I put everyone else in front of myself. I can look back at grade school, college, and all my jobs–even my roommate situations–and see how I have allowed the biggest negative of a Two to take over my life. What is that negative? Wanna take a guess?
Archetypal challenge: To find oneself in relationship, balancing dependency and autonomy.https://theenneagramatwork.com/type-2-helper
Pretty much that is a fancy way of saying we don’t know how to say NO. No is our worst enemy, hiding in the shadows of our subconcious, pushing everything else in front of it as we take care of anything and everything we are asked to do. I can remember I said yes so much I had multiple double-bookings over the span of a week. I got them all done, but I almost died mentally and emotionally in the process.
I know there are Twos out there reading this and thinking: Yup. That is me. Well I want to leave you will something I read this morning that prompted this post:
You’re allowed to say no WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY!#MoreThanSmallTalk
This is a marvel concept for us personalities that don’t know that word. I swear it was redacted from my brain when my brain was in development. Why don’t we say no? Because we want to please everyone. We want to be loved and liked. We don’t want guilt sitting on our conscience. But that is the thing. We should NEVER feel guilty for having to say no to something.
Let’s think about saying no from a biblical standpoint: What if we continue to say yes to everything, clouding our mind up with stuff we don’t need, and then we cannot hear the voice of God guide us to where he needs us? I am guilty of letting my busyiness blind me to God’s will.
So whether you are a Two or a ISFJ (Meyers-briggs) we need to learn to say No without feeling Guilty! Good Luck! You Got This!