Jan. 1, 2019. It is here.
I walked into last year ready to attack it. I stared into the light of a new day (see pic to left). That was taken Dec. 31, 2018. It is funny to think back on who you were a year ago. I had just been promoted to a new position, I was in the midst of my Master’s in Ministry, and had bright eyes to all the things to come. There was hope there. There was a fire in those eyes.
Whatever fire was there left by April. Not that 2018 wasn’t a great year–it was, but 2018 was the year I followed the exit sign to my 30s–ouch. 30s scared me. They technically still do. 30 means the dreams I had as an 18-year-old girl leaving for Florida for college were officially dead. No dream job in teaching, no husband, and no family.
2018 was a hard year of loss. Not only did I lose the hope of a dream from a little girl, but we said goodbye to my last living grandmother and a friend that I didn’t get to keep in my life long enough. And to wrap the year of loss, I thought I saw my tunnel back south, to the place that holds my heart, but it closed–again. It doesn’t pain me for the manner of it closing, because it is well deserved and so needed at that time. The pain is knowing just how much harder it is going to be to go. Reflecting now actually makes sense to why I felt a hardness come back to my bite–to the words of my life. A person can only take so much.
So to remind myself who I was at the end of this year I took this the 31st of Dec. To remind myself of the fires I walked through and the pools of tears that came with it. To you, it might just look like a picture of a pretty girl, but to me, this is so much more. I see a warrior in those eyes–worn-down, but victorious because she made it through by following the path laid before her by her Heavenly Father.
So 2019, I wonder what you have in store. Will you be another hard year of loss and fire that is sent to refine who I am? Will you be a year of new dreams and goals? Don’t tell me just yet, because I want to enjoy finding out. I might not see the full length of the path before me, but I trust in the one who does. So God, give me strength, give me patience, give me perseverance, and above all give me hope. Soften this warrior’s heart before it allows it to become stone.
Happy New Year,